I used to date a narcissist. Actually, I used to date two. Not at the same time mind you. That would have been a bit self-destructive. One at a time was quite enough!
Most of us have attracted a narcissist into our lives at some time. They are generally so charming and interesting that they are hard to resist; at first that is. Unfortunately, these people turn out to be energy vampires sucking the good will and love out of us like gasoline.
Being around truly selfish and manipulative people who live to be adored can be emotionally draining. Even debilitating. They use every device available to distort life to their own benefit. So, what can we possibly learn from such egoists? Well, quite a lot actually.
We are all here in this life to teach and learn important lessons that help us progress. Unfortunately, narcissists are teaching us life’s lessons in a negative way. If we can extricate ourselves from the confusing fog these poor empty souls generate, we can see the diamonds in the mud.
So, what can we possibly get from such relationships. What can we gather and grow from? Let’s take a look:
#1. Be true to Yourself! Narcissists are in love with themselves. So, they are attracted to people with a strong sense of loyalty. They are looking for people who will ignore their faults and remain attached to them out of a sense of connectedness. Other people would kick them to the curb for their selfishness. If you have a narcissist around you the message is it is time to move on from whatever no longer serves you. Begin being loyal to yourself. Cut the cord to the toxic relationship, job or friendship and step free as you dance towards your happiness.
#2. Believe in Yourself! You know what you feel, who you are and what you deserve. A narcissist will try to manipulate you into taking the blame for everything and when you question their behaviour they will have you questioning yourself. This confidence squashing technique is enough to have your head spinning. Your charming gas-lighter is an expert at bending the truth to paint themselves in the best light. The lesson here is that you are the most important person in your life. Be your own believer.
#3. You are Fantastic! Contrary to psycho-babble in popular culture, narcissists are not attracted to victims. NO! At least not by preference. They are actually attracted to great people who have envious skills, status or respect. People who make the narcissist look good. They are going to love feeding off your fabulousness because it gives them credibility and protection, as in ‘he can’t really be a nutter if he is with her!’. You can gain a lot here from this experience if you learn to celebrate how fantastic you really are. Stop anyone from hijacking your amazingness today.
#4. You are Strong! A narcissist is the human version of an apex predator. Something like a Great White Shark on legs. These beasts don’t go for small fry. They like to chase prey that puts up a fight. Indeed, they love it so much they will come back for more every time you stand up to them. Don’t waste your strength on these losers who want to play a game of beating you down. No matter what you do they will never develop empathy or compassion. Be strong enough to ignore them, step to the side and they’ll soon charge off in another direction.
#5. You Believe Happiness is possible! If you are attracted to narcissists chances are you were the little kid wanting to save the bird with the broken wing. I understand. Me too! You have an abundance of kindness and forgiveness. You might even love the narcissist for their potential. You believe that with enough love your broken person will change. They are here to teach you that for a person to change they have to want to live differently. The thing is the narcissist loves their life and themselves just the way they are. Accept this and help people who want to grow.
Coming out of a relationship with a narcissist can feel a bit like you have lost a limb in an unexpected fall. You didn’t see the pain or grief coming. You might even question your own judgement. The thing is, the narcissist was there to help you learn some important lessons.
So, let’s take stock of what we are unpacking here. It is worth looking at the lessons of the narcissist so that you can identify the qualities you want in your next partner. That’s right, look to attract a person teaching the same lessons in a positive way.
You can now attract a person who believes in you and who truly encourages you to be yourself. How refreshing a thought is that! They are going to think you are fantastic and encourage you to value yourself! This is a person who will appreciate your strengths but won’t need you to carry them. And best of all, they will believe in happiness too. Happiness with you.
You can do this. I believe in you. You’ve survived the narcissist! You can do anything!